The past 48 hours have been a doozy for America -- for all Americans. I have thought a lot about what to take from this election and people's reactions. My kids have watched me break down and I've had to find the words to explain why -- why people are angry and taking it out on people like me.
​
Without getting into the ugly, sordid details of what brought on this post, here are the lessons that I would like to pass down to my own children during a time where our country feels divided.

There will always be people who have a different view and/or beliefs than you. That is okay. That is the great thing about our country. You don't have to agree with your neighbor to still be neighbors. Show everyone love, kindness, acceptance and respect (even if it doesn't feel deserved or is reciprocated).

You cannot fight everyone's fight. At times, what is most important to you, might conflict with that of another. This does not mean that you should never stand up for others. There are many voices that go unheard and need someone to speak up for them. Absolutely be that voice for them when possible. It means that you first and foremost stand up for yourself. When it comes to your health and wellbeing, you must make yourself a priority. Stand firm in your beliefs with dignity, but be humble and respect when others do the same -- even if it opposes (directly or indirectly) what you believe in.

Do not gloat when things go your way and do not criticize when they do not.

It is not your place to judge or make assumptions about people. A handful of "facts" and/or speculation won't take you very far. No one person has the same thought process and we all do things for a long list of reasons. Before you make accusations, ask questions. Look behind the scenes.

At some point in your life, a person/people may attack your character. Their words do not change who you truly are. They are theirs to own, not yours. You are in control of your choices and reactions. Make them with a good heart and intentions and a sound mind.

At times you will falter. That is okay. Forgive yourself and move forward. Understand the same will happen with others. They too deserve forgiveness and the chance to move forward.

You are strong, beautiful beings created by God. No one can change that or take it away from you.

When you are hurting look for the light. When others are hurting, be the light.

Most importantly, love is not based on race, religion, sexual orientation or politics. Meet Hate with love. Love one another fiercely and never stop spreading that love. 💛

The Fall season is finally upon us, bringing with it an array of warm colors, cooler temps, apple picking and pumpkin...EVERYTHING! It is also unofficially "Family Portrait Season". I have been getting lots of inquiries on my availability, so I figured I should get an update out to everyone on what has been going on and the current status of my business. 

As most of you know, I have been struggling with my health. The condensed version that I tell people is I have Lyme Disease, but I have come to find a better description of my illness. MSIDS (Multiple Systemic Infectious Diseases Syndrome). "MSIDS is a symptom complex of Lyme Disease and multiple associated tick borne co-infections that encompasses not only infections with Borrelia burgdorferi, the etiological agent of Lyme Disease, but also other bacterial infections, viral infections, parasitic infections, and fungal infections." Why Can't I Get Better by Richard I. Horowitz, M.D. page 58.

Since returning home from Seattle this past Spring, I have been actively fighting the diseases with a (large) combination of supplements, a special diet and lots of detoxing. And while my Seattle doctor would prefer we go after these infections aggressively, my body doesn't handle it very well. My local doctor helps to tweak my protocol anytime things get too rough, which is amazing, because there is a serious lack of resources in our area for proper detoxing methods. I know it has been hard on my husband and kids, as I am unable to contribute and be involved with as much as I used to be. (You don't realize how great your role is in others lives, until you are unable to fulfill it anymore.) On top of my own health issues, I have been trying to tackle my kids health concerns (my oldest two were vaccine damaged as babies/toddlers -- a result of not being aware of the genetic risks associated with MTHFR and Lyme Disease, which can be passed on from mother to baby in utero.) Getting confirmation that my babies were sick too has changed things in our household even more so. There are more protocols to follow, precautions to take, things to remember. Suddenly my health no longer feels like my top priority, though I do my best to remember that it is just as important. The stress of it all has weighed heavily on my family.

​In late July another bomb was dropped into our lives. My dad (who lives in Florida) wasn't doing so well. They discovered large masses in his body (one of them being dangerously close to his heart) that have been creating a lot of discomfort for him. After weeks of different tests it came back that he has Follicular Lymphoma. There is no cure for this type of cancer, however, with the right lifestyle changes, you can live a long, healthy life. This is a possibility for my dad, but only if he can get the tumors to shrink. He started chemo/radiation in August and will have another PET scan next month. Until then it is a waiting game, filled with prayer, hope and a bunch of what if's that I try my best to shove into a tiny little box and lock away.

To sum it all up, I am pretty much maxed out. In the recent weeks, my symptoms have grown stronger. Lots of numbness and pain in my hands, arms, legs and feet. My vision blurs often and I am hit with waves of dizziness. My brain fog has been out of control, making concentrating difficult and overall, I have been exhausted.

With a sad heart, I must announce that until further notice, Bluebird of Happiness Photography will not be taking on any sessions. All of my energy and attention needs to be on my family and my own path to getting healthy. This has not been an easy decision. Every single inquiry I get, I think, I could do this one session. I'm sure I could handle it. I absolutely LOVE photography, but where my business is concerned, I only want to do it the right way. If I can't give you my best, I don't want to give you anything. It means too much to me. This summer proved to me that I most definitely can not give you my best right now. Not being able to drive home after a session, because I am exhausted, loopy and my hands are cramping so badly, I have trouble gripping the steering wheel has been a problem. Not being able to get edits done because my vision keeps going in and out of focus and my hand is unable to grip the mouse -- not to mention finding the time to edit in the first place is another huge issue. I hope that everyone can find it in their hearts to understand this extremely hard decision that I have made. I am praying and hoping that it is only temporary. (It's not if I beat this, but WHEN I BEAT IT!)

​I am forever grateful for all of the love and support that I have received from family and friends. 

All prayers, positive thoughts, happy, healthy vibes that you can send our way is very much appreciated.  If you would like to look elsewhere for your family portrait needs, I highly recommend Alicia Hauff Photography, Pixie-Lu Photography and Horsefeathers Photography and Design. I have no doubt you will receive the absolute best service from any of the three. (Please hover over the blank spaces to see the names -- for some reason when I create a link, it makes the words disappear...)

Much Love
xoxoxoxoxo

​Linds

Twenty-nine years ago to this day, I was six years old and on my very first Girl Scout's camping trip. The weekend was filled with activities like candle making, crafts, campfires and having the bejeezus scared out of us by some fifth graders. (They hid in the bushes while we made our way back to the cabin after ghost stories and s'mores.) I returned home filled with memories of good times with friends and a little something extra. Though I wouldn't discover the latter for many years to come.

I woke up today feeling a bit resentful. My life hasn't gone the way I pictured it would twenty-nine years ago. For starters, I don't drive a hot pink corvette, look like a sweet valley twin, have a waterslide in my backyard or own a unicorn/Pegasus.

In all seriousness though, whatever my future did hold, it was full of life. There were trips; romantic getaways with my husband, theme park adventures with my kids (twins named Jessica and Jonathan at the time 😉). I was surrounded by a rich culture of the arts that fed my everlasting hunger to create and inspire. There was happiness and there was always lots of laughter.

I didn't anticipate Lyme or any of the other things he brought along to the party. I never envisioned being so tired, I would lay in bed for hours during the day, while my kids entertain each other, meanwhile I am fighting off dizziness, brain fog, pain and numbness in my body. Being poked and prodded so much, I feel like a living pin cushion at times. Always feeling hungry, but too frustrated with my limited diet and too tired to think of something that I can actually eat. Not to mention the daunting task of actually going grocery shopping -- no thank you. And I most definitely did not envision a doctor telling me that my very own daughter, who has never been bit by a tick in her life, had contracted Lyme Disease from me over nine years ago when I carried her in my belly, along with infections surrounding her brain and brain stem. Nope, none of that was in the cards.

Lyme doesn't care though because Lyme, you see, is a coward. It hides from you, it misleads you and slowly attacks you, stealing precious moments of your life. Lyme does everything it can to isolate you.

Like I said, I woke up in a bit of a mood today on this so called "Lyme-iversary".

Then I was reminded of what Lyme can't take from me. The smiles of my children and their bear hugs at bedtime. The silly things they say and curious musings they share with me. My three year old feeding me "airplane" style -- not because I need him to, but because he loves his mommy. My hard working husband who continues to take on more than his share of responsibility in this life that we have created together. His ability to always make me laugh and break through the strain that chronic illness puts on a marriage and look past my third day of a top knot and sweatpants. Or his ease at letting me go off on adventures with my friends, even though I didn't lift a finger all day, because he knows it's what my soul needs. Friends who check on me and include me in life, because despite my illness, I am still here -- I am still living. Or going to the gym with me for what can only be described as stripper aerobics 😂 because I am determined to do something fun and "normal" and need the moral support. My loyal clients who are patient and understanding. They still hire me because they think my work is worth the wait. All of the many many beautiful hearts that surround me and sustain me. God, who gives me a chance at life every morning that I open my eyes and fills me with His grace, understanding and unconditional love. Lyme cannot take away my love for fresh flowers, polka dots and the color aqua/teal/mint. An evening in my hammock, enjoying reruns of Friends and Gilmore Girls or my desire to help others, bridge the gaps and make people giggle.

Lyme cannot take away my heart, my soul, my beliefs and most definitely not my laughter. Lyme cannot take away me, because I am more than Lyme.

To everyone out there that continues to pray for me and my family or send positive thoughts our way, thank you. For those who have messaged and I may not have gotten back to you yet, please don't feel ignored. I get overwhelmed and distracted easily, but your sentiments, prayers, thoughts... they all matter. Every single one. To those who put aside their own lives to help me or to care for my children, my gratitude for you is neverending. You are a living angel in my life. To my friends, old and new, who are battling invisible and/or chronic illness, you are amazing, you got this and know, even if it doesn't always feel like it, we are in this together. 💛

I promise to post an update on the last two months soon.

xoxoxo
Linds

"Spring will come and so will happiness. Hold on. Life will get warmer." - Anita Krizzan 

I have always had a special love for this time of year. Winter has a way of making me feel suffocated, restless and disconnected from the world. Spring is like the breath of air that I have been gasping for. It is filled with new beginnings, hope and rejuvenation.  I honestly don't think there is a better time to start the trek to regain my health.

Since my last post, I have continued to focus primarily on my health, but have also gotten to do some fun stuff!!  For the second year in a row, I am teaching a photography class for After School Academy, a program put on by our PTA at the kids school. We meet for four Tuesdays in March. This year we added scrapbooking to the class, too. We have our last class this week, which totally bums me out. I have had a blast working with the kids and seeing how they interpret their art.

This past week I actually picked up my camera!!  It has been waaaaay to long!! (I think my last session was back in December.) It was awesome to catch up with people and capture some new babies and a dear friend of mine who has a little one on the way! I have also slowly been working on updating my website. There is still quite a bit to do, but I enjoy the work. Turning on some music and jumping into creative mode is one of my favorite ways to spend a few hours. I even had the opportunity to create a logo for my friend's business. This was a first for me (outside of doing my own). It is so fun to branch out and experience new and creative adventures!    

As far as the Lyme and other co-infections go... I have had some really awesome days and some days that I'd rather not relive. After extensive research, I have decided where and when I will start treatment. I head to Seattle in two weeks. I will be there for five days. My treatment will consist of a regimen that includes supplements, medications, supportive therapies (for heavy detoxing -- something my body doesn't do so well on it's own), a diet tailored for my body's needs and the Five Levels of Healing.  For the next two years, I will return to Seattle every three to five months, (or until I am in remission) for 5 days at a time. For now I continue to work on healing my gut and detoxing, hoping that it helps /prevents herxing.  I know in my heart this is the very best place for me to be. I am excited to start my journey of healing!  I am also extremely thankful (and to be perfectly honest, overwhelmed -- in a good way!!) for the people in my life. All of the kind words, support and encouragement mean everything to me and really do make a difference. To my close friends who are opening their homes to my children, rearranging their schedules to accommodate ours, have listened to me ramble on about, well me.... You hold such a special place in my heart. Every time I think about it, I tear up and become all sappy. I truly have the BEST people in my life. Thank you infinity x infinity!!

I will try to update once treatment has started. Until then I leave you with a Spring Blessing and a peak at my latest sessions!

Spring Blessings

I welcome all of the energy of Spring time into my life with open arms.
Spring is a time of renewal and rebirth.
I use this time to de-clutter my heart, home and life.
I enjoy making space in my home and changing things around for a fresh new look and start.

I am grateful to be able to go outside in the fresh air and I love spending time under the afternoon sun.
I find moments in gorgeous Spring days to lay down on the grass and gaze up at the blue sky. 
I am so thankful for the warmer weather.
I take time to be still.
I notice all of the natural beauty that surrounds me.
I appreciate all of the colors and life of Spring.

The seeds I have previously planted in the garden of life are now coming to fruition. 

- Carly Marie

xoxoxoxo -- Linds

I have been staring at my iPad for over an hour, wracking my brain for the perfect opening line to this blog post. Something meaningful or witty and not at all reflecting the level 5, code red mess that my brain has become. To be honest though, this feeling isn't new to me and this is not my first attempt to write about it. So bear with me. I am going to try and do this as eloquently as I can.

I don't remember a time when I haven't felt tired or dealt with bouts of disorganization. I work best when under pressure thanks to the burst of adrenaline because without it, (at times) I struggle to function. In 2011 I was diagnosed with ADHD, which explained a lot, but not everything.

When I became pregnant with my youngest in 2012 my health took a nose dive. One trip to the grocery store resulted in 2-3 days of being practically bedridden. I caught every single sick bug that crossed my path and spent the second half of my pregnancy with one virus after the next. I was exhausted. My doctor suspected I was hypoglycemic, but couldn't test me since I was unable to fast before hand. I did have my thyroid checked a few times, but it always came back good.

When my son was born in April of 2013, I was elated to hopefully be on the road to happier, healthier days. In some ways I felt stronger and in other ways I didn't, I attributed it to the fact that I was a mom of four kids, one being a newborn. A mom's life was meant to be a chaotic mess of nonstop errands, kid tasks and sleep deprivation, all the while trying to not "lose myself" in the title of mom, wife and (crappy) homemaker. I could run my own business, have a social life, be a part of the PTA and my kids classrooms. I could stay up all night to indulge in a good book or catch up on my favorite tv shows (because what other kid free time did I have for that?!) This was life and who was I to not keep up with it.

Jump to April of 2015, I went to see a doctor about a few more serious health concerns I was having. (To list a few: extreme fatigue, dizziness, blurry vision, speech difficulties, tingling, numbness and pain in my limbs.) These are issues that I've dealt with for years (some dating back as far as the early 90's when I was a kid), but never this frequently or all together. It was when my legs went numb for almost five minutes that I panicked and knew I had to see someone. I discovered that I was homozygous for the gene mutation MTHFR c667t. It was assumed that my severe B12 deficiency was to blame for my ailments. I was put on a supplement and meds regimen, along with a diet change (no gluten, no gmo's, nothing processed and eventually no dairy).

A few months went by and while some symptoms had appeared to ease up, I still wasn't getting better. In the fall we did an MRI. It showed I had a "normal", functioning brain. At that point my doctor wanted to wait things out and see if eventually I started getting better. It was said that it could take up to six months before I really noticed a positive change.

I didn't. I actually started to get worse again.

During a trip to my chiropractors office, I started up a conversation with the newest doctor in their office. She was already aware of my case and we talked for a good 30 minutes. She had a hunch what I might be dealing with and wanted me to come in for an appointment.

Two weeks later I met with her two times in one week. We went over my history, did muscle testing and an exam and she ordered some new labs. I knew what we were testing for and that my symptoms matched up perfectly for more than one of the things suspected. This wasn't my first rodeo. Over the years my symptoms matched up to many things. I never had any of them. I had gone years and years with inconclusive results, no answers and the "you are stressed and depressed" answer.

Turns out every single doctor who doubted my symptoms or gave up trying to figure it out was wrong. For what we are suspecting has been up to almost three decades of my life, I have been suffering from Lyme Disease. Somewhere along the lines I also got Epstein-Barr Virus and eventually two other immune compromising infections. My adrenal glands, liver and spleen (among the rest of my body << those are the top 3 issues) are drowning in a sea of infection and toxicity.

I have gone so many years doubting and looking down at myself, wondering why couldn't I ever just get my act together. I was too lazy. Too unorganized. Not motivated enough. All of my symptoms were somehow self induced and my fault. So I continued to juggle all of the balls and ultimately feel like I was failing at life.

2016 marks the end of all of that self doubt and negativity. This is the year that I will reclaim my health and my life. I may not reach full recovery this year. In fact, I might get sicker before I get better, but I understand that is the process of fighting this disease. Finally I have something other than myself to fight against and I am going to kick Lyme right in its little Lyme balls. ;)

What does this mean for Bluebird of Happiness Photography?

I don't completely know. I can tell you that I am not going anywhere. I will still run my business, when I can. There may be times when I am too sick or have to travel out of town to see a specialist. I plan to fight this as naturally as I can. There are many unknowns in my future right now., but one thing I do know is that photography and my clients make me happy and a positive mind is a big component in beating this. So please, keep the inquiries coming. Don't be afraid to ask me if I am available. If up to it, I will take on the job and if not, lucky for you I have some amazing photographer friends that I will happily refer you to. I promise they will take good care of you until I am on my feet again.

I will also happily take any prayers and/or positive vibes that you would like to send my way. It is going to take a village of family, friends, support and understanding to get through this. If you or someone you know are a fighter of Lyme or Epstein-Barr, I would love to connect with you and hear your story. Maybe we can help each other. :)

Much love
xoxoxoxo

Linds

I am beyond excited for 2015 to be here and what the year has waiting for me. Over the last week I have been updating galleries on my website -- I might actually get some wedding images on there this year! ;)  For the first time in 2 years I have increased my pricing in some areas, while other packages have been restructured. I have also changed some items as far as what services I offer, so please take a moment to check it out. I put a lot of thought into each decision and trust that these changes will help me towards my goals of how I want my business to grow and what kind of photographer I strive to be. I am excited to bring all of you along on this journey of mine, as I could not do it without your support!  I look forward to capturing many more moments for you.

xoxo

Linds

Hello again!  Long time, no write. ;) 

It will be awhile before I really get this blog up and running, but I wanted to put it out there that it will definitely lean towards the personal side.  There will be elements of my business included, because my business is a huge part of my life, but it will come from a personal perspective.  I'm all about being real and connecting with others in our "realness".  I've never been good at keeping things black and white anyhow. There is lots of gray in my life!  That being said, I hope everyone is able to get something, whether big or small, meaningful or pure entertainment, out of what I choose to share. :)

I am currently at the tail end of my busy season and up to my ears in editing.  I truly enjoy editing.  Anything that allows me to be creative is a good thing in my book.  However, I also have a one year old.  A charismatic, energetic, tornado through my house, loving one year old. Of my four kids, Keaton is by far the busiest (with his big sister coming in at a close second - either that or I'm now older and have less energy to keep up - ha!!).  He propels up walls, thinks he can fly and loves to draw/color....on paper, tables, walls...himself. He can single handedly take apart an entire room in a matter of minutes. 

It has made working at home a bit of a challenge. I try to come up with ideas to keep him busy while I edit.  Coloring at my desk (translation: him coloring for 30 seconds and then handing me each and every crayon, color pencil, marker, wanting me to color with him, while he colors on himself.  Eventually the box of art tools is ALWAYS dumped upside down all over the desk and floor). Snacks!! (Translation: Gold Fish crackers smashed into my carpet. Water flung across the room. Being hand fed half eaten food- okay that part is kinda cute, when not gross.) Moon sand (translation: pink sand smashed into the carpet with the gold fish crackers, resulting in daddy throwing away my daughters beloved birthday present). Books, train sets, puzzles, holding a mini basketball hoop with one hand, while editing with the other hand. The list is never ending, his attention span is not.

Some days I luck out and he takes a nice long afternoon nap.  That gives me a few hours to grab a bite to eat and plug away in Lightroom.  However more often than not, he finally falls asleep just before school gets out for my older three. As soon as they walk through the front door we have after school snacks, backpack inventory (geeze they bring home a lot of paper!) and the dreaded homework. Two of my kiddos are what some would classify as under the spectrum umbrella (I simply classify them as my kids ;) ). Certain routines must be followed.  Easier tasks are more challenging, etc.  

When all is said and done, my next chance at getting any work done is after bedtime and this is if I don't fall asleep, too!  (Too many times I have nodded off during story time - and I'm the one reading!!)

I know I am one of many stay at home mom/photographers.  It makes me wonder, how in the world do others do it?  I'm torn with what to sacrifice, what to hold on to. My kids and family will always be #1, but my clients mean the world to me, too.  I chose to turn my passion into a business, during a time when my family needed the extra money. Having two self employed adults in the house can be nerve wracking, but also very empowering. I am incredibly blessed that our endeavors have paid off (literally and figuratively!). Still, I sometimes wish for a pause button.  Pause my kids from growing up so quickly, especially when I am not always there to see it.  Pause my business and be able to un-pause right where I left off. Pause the kid tantrum, when I am so close to finishing a gallery or prepping a much awaited sneak peak. I want to be able to give myself fully to everyone, yet instead I find myself giving bits and pieces.

I mean really, what can we do?! We must become skilled jugglers (or at the very least mediocre ones) and figure out how our individual puzzles fit together. One day I WILL find my groove.

Until then, I will continue to plug away, praying to make the right choices, be thankful for all that I have, keep everyone smiling (or at least not crying) and still have my sanity when all is said and done. ;)  

Okay.  Not really my last day.  It was just one of those days.  You know, the ones where your years of experience are put to the test and you ask yourself, "Am I really cut out for this?" 

This past Saturday I put together some studio time at my friend's photography studio so I could take some one year portraits of my son, along with a few of all of my kiddos.  It was my first time shooting in the studio, but I had been in there several times and prepped ahead of time for the session.  I invited my brother's family to come along, too, hoping to get some images of them and all of my mom's grandkids together.

Things did NOT go as planned.

My one year old wanted to be anywhere, but where I wanted him to be.  And to be honest, can you blame him?  His #1 job in life right now is to explore, learn -- Be on the go on his chubby (newly) walking legs.  I wouldn't want to sit still on a chair and smile either.  Not to mention, the excitement of a mommy-son game of chase. That is  why we went to the studio, right?!

The older kids were a different story.  My two boys wanted to do one thing.  Play video games.  The end.  Any interruption to that resulted in "Buuuuut Moooooom!  I'm tired of you taking my picture!"  Yes, I take a lot of photos of my kids.  It's hard for me to not document every little thing about them.  After all, they ARE my greatest creations and I am fascinated with them.  I'm sure I'm not the only photographer with this problem...?? ;)   

My (only) daughter wanted to be in EVERY shot.  Or at least her legs, an arm, a swish of hair -- did.  Through out my attempts of capturing images of her little brother, she twirled, swirled, pranced and danced her way into my view finder.  Normally I would eat up those free spirited moments with my camera, but not that day.  I was on a narrow path of what I wanted out of our limited time there and my patience was wearing thin -- paper thin. 

By the time my brother and his family showed up, I had reached my limit.  I was over whelmed and feeling (very) defeated.  Upon opening the door, I replied, "Hello.  Welcome to my last day as a photographer."  (His response - "Good!"  He's not one for picture taking and I may or may not have been stalking him with a camera for the better part of his life.  I'm still convinced he'll thank me one day... ;) )

Setting up shots for my niece and nephew went better than with my own kids, but by that point I was mentally drained -- completely thrown off of my creative game -- and hardly up for the challenge of enticing a 3 year old and 17 month old to look at the camera AND smile -- at the same time.  A package of m&m's later, I called it good.  (Side note: I owe you a mini pack of m&m's Lisa and my eternal gratitude that you have that stash of candy!! ;) ).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Having the opportunity to do something that I am so passionate about is amazing.  It's more than amazing.  Many go through life, never experiencing the happiness that comes from doing what you love.  That being said, my art is very important to me and not seeing a vision through is frustrating. 

To quote Peyton Sawyer, "...if I can't be great at it then I don't want to ruin it.  It's too important to me."  (Yes, I totally just threw in a One Tree Hill quote -- hahaha!)

So what can I take away from this experience? 

1) All bets are off with your own kids. They will always challenge you -- and that's not a bad thing.  Challenges create growth and growth gets us closer to our true potential. 

2) There will always be 'off' days.  If every day was an 'on' day, we wouldn't get anything out of it.  In the two hours that I was at the studio, I gained some much needed knowledge for future studio sessions. 

3) Perspective - It could have been worse - I could have been working with clients.  I'd much rather be off my game with my own family (as far as picture taking goes), then with a paying client.   After all, it's been my practice on them that has sharpened my skills within my profession.  (Not to mention, in all fairness, it was my first time shooting in the studio.  Clearly I needed the practice. )

4) When all else fails -- candy really can save the day, or at the very least, salvage it.

Here is a peak of some of my favorites - from my first studio shooting venture... (All props courtesy of Lisa Wise Photography Studio- Thank you Lisa!!).